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11 June 2005 @ 12:45 pm
Gag me  
Perusing a sewing forum, I found a poem for a baby bonnet. It's not the diabetes-inducing sweetness that bothers me - it's the blatant assumption that, if the baby is a boy, he will "surely" wind up marrying a woman. What if he's gay? What if he doesn't want to marry at all? (At least the "if it's a girl" verses aren't authoritative on the subject.)

In the realm of annoying crap, this may seem like small potatoes, but it got me riled because it reminded me of a greater evil. Why is there an assumed Heterosexual Life Script (marry, reproduce) and why the hell does it keep getting reinforced in so many random places? Most people are straight, and most seem to want marriage and children, but it pisses me the fuck off that anyone who doesn't want either of the above (or, of course, isn't straight) has a good chance of being viewed as some sort of deviant, which can lead to discrimination as the result of subtle prejudice (e.g. getting passed over for promotions because everyone else at the office is a "family man" and you're single by choice and therefore seen as noncommittal). If something works for you, that's great, but not everyone else wants the same lifestyle, and what is the problem with that exactly?
Current Mood: annoyedannoyed
Assassin Weaselcrackferret on June 11th, 2005 06:29 pm (UTC)
OMG I just realized that you're CF! I'm totally adding you to my CF filter!

Every time I learn more about you, I think, damnit, why don't you live here? You should come work for Microsoft. Then I could stalk your office.

I hate the life script. Hate hate hate it. I think people fear what they don't understand.
The Heavy Metal Matador: southparkrydain on June 11th, 2005 06:48 pm (UTC)
*stage whisper* Well, I'm technically CL because we haven't definitively decided on a no-kids lifestyle...but Randy and I are actively avoiding reproducing, and the older I get, the further I lean toward CFdom. He honestly would be OK one way or the other. He gets along with pretty much any non-asshole organism (kids included), but he doesn't get gooey over other people's kids or babies and doesn't have any hole in his heart for his own. He's also said that Chester and Cookie are enough work. He doesn't even want to adopt any more cats until they become old enough to be slow and furniture-like. I like kids who are old enough to talk, but I think I would much rather be a cool uncle to my friends' children. I need a lot of space and time to myself and I don't want to give that up for the several years it takes for a kid to become school age. We're officially waiting to decide until we're thirty, but I really don't see myself Changing My Miiiiind. *end stage whisper* If you'd still like to add me to the filter, go for it!

Wow...you work for Microsoft? How did I miss that? One of my old coworkers (Nick Elliott) is there now...do you happen to know him? (That would be randomly cool.) We're pretty much here for the long haul because Randy has a good job and we really like our house and the area (mostly - I wish it were less whitebread and more diverse like Pittsburgh, which is where I grew up), but I'd love to have you stalk my office. And vice versa.

I think fear is a large part of it as well...as well as jealousy because others have the guts to do something that they really wanted to but couldn't because they felt obligated to do what was expected of them.
Assassin Weaselcrackferret on June 11th, 2005 06:58 pm (UTC)
I already did it. It's not like I go crazy raving or anything, just that if I need to rant about the fact that, oh, everyone is pregnant or something. It's definately good enough for me. It sounds like you're keeping your options open, but you understand the frustrations.

The name weirdly sounds familiar, but I'd have to look him up in the address book to see where he's at to know for sure. Yup, I'm over here slaving away on the Windows team. Beating the next version of the OS into submission with a stick.

I could see that. I put my health pretty high on my priorities, definately more important to me than kids. Some people don't think like that, and other people, kids really *are* something that's important to them. But other people do it because it just is what people DO.

I'm so incoherent today. :P
zerielzeriel on June 11th, 2005 08:19 pm (UTC)
I hate the life script. Hate hate hate it. I think people fear what they don't understand.

It's not like I go crazy raving or anything, just that if I need to rant about the fact that, oh, everyone is pregnant or something.

Speaking for the "god dammit how does it help if all the idiots breed and all the smart people are CF" movement, mostly I'm amused by the juxtaposition.
lemeanie on June 11th, 2005 08:21 pm (UTC)
here's mt two cents. You and your wonderful husband already have fulfilling(sp) lives. Not everyone needs children. Shoot, I wish people would close their dang legs before starting a "family" with a mom, no dad and a bunch of heathens that are not taken care of properly. Ahem. This greater evil you speak of is the judeo-christian ethic. I agree with all of it myself, but that doesn't mean it has to be stamped in the brains of americans.
sinistarfithsinistarfith on June 12th, 2005 02:57 am (UTC)
You want to know what really throws people? When somebody says to your three year old, "If you come to the [insert social occasion], we can go check out all the cute girls" and me, dad who used to work for drag queens, gets to say, "Well, yeah, but you're assuming Gareth isn't gay."

I have had only one person actually say, "Then we can check out the guys, too." Thank goodness that person will be officially joining the family in about two weeks (marrying my cousin).
The Heavy Metal Matador: southparkrydain on June 12th, 2005 03:36 am (UTC)
You completely rock...as does your cousin's future spouse. ^_^