...I saw the trailer for the new Charlie and the Chocolate Factory movie, and though I like some parts of it (such as the lush yet scary chocolate room set), it does not sit well with me. Why the blipping fuck does Johnny Depp look like the unholy child of Michael Jackson and that pixyland.org Peter Pan dude? (Actually, maybe I shouldn't insult Peter Pan like that. I admire that guy. He has some ginormous brass cojones to be who he is and not care how many people rip on him for it.) And why, oh WHY does he say "Chewing gum is really gross. Chewing gum I hate the most."?
WHAT HAST THOU WROUGHT, TIM BURTON?! WHY? WhywhywhywhyWHYYYYY?
A remake I'm OK with. Taking a darker, more true to the book tone I'm OK with. (The first movie, which I'm nuts about, was more pleasant and optimistic, which many people didn't care for, and I understand that. Reinterpretation is fine, and I think that if they go all out with it, the aspects of the book that bugged me will wind up seeming comically cartoonish and/or justified.) But for cripes sake...what gives with the fugly-ass pageboy, the high voice, the lines that don't seem right at all for somebody who has been holed up in his factory for God knows how long? "Really gross?" NOOOOOOOOOOO! It's been about a trillion years since I read the book...but I don't remember Wonka speaking in even remotely trendy and modern language there. If anything, he should be old-fashioned. I did like the outfit because it seemed old school with a nice gothic touch to it, but the hair. And voice. Have got. To go. *barf* If Depp would have acted like a very well-done pasty recluse, which I know is quite possible (see Scissorhands, Edward)...
Plus, I'm biased because Gene Wilder RULES. He seems like not quite right in the head but still caring Uncle Wonka, not some freaky ass pedophile. And his rhyming lines are not teh sux. On the contrary, they're classic, especially given his delivery. "Candy is dandy, but liquor is quicker." "A little nonsense now and then is relished by the wisest men." (Freya and I used to run around singing that all the time...and it's been my GameFAQs sig for several years.)
I'm still going to see it anyway just because I'm curious and because I want to see what good stuff Burton brings to the table (like the interesting sets), but...still...waaaah.